It's not all peace & quiet

It's been a while since I last posted, and here's the reason why.

Studying midwifery is hard. If you don't struggle with the academics, you will struggle with yourself, and if you don't struggle with yourself you will struggle with all the work you have to accomplish in a very short timeframe. There is Always something to struggle with. Even though there are warnings enough about the intensity of the midwifery course, I can only say that you won't know what they mean unless you've faced them yourself.

Personally, I find it particularly hard to keep up with my own growth. Even though it sounds kind of odd, I am running to keep up with myself. Reflections, personal growth logs and endless hours of feedback on how you're doing and what you can improve on can really take a toll on you. There appears to be this one standard on how all midwifes should be and you're constantly changing yourself to become that person. Say too much and it's seen as arrogance, say too little and you're perceived as shy. Too organised and you're seen as dogged, let one thing slip and you're seen as sloppy. The moment you're not already entirely confident in yourself as a person, it is easy to get engulfed by all these ideas. You'll tirelessly strive for that one personality that is perceived as perfection while staying true to yourself is the first thing that flies out the window. I'd only been in this course for seven months when something clicked in my mind. I was constantly tired and not working for myself but working for others. I was trying to make others proud of me by getting high grades and trying to speak up more in class, but the reality was that I was unhappy and my passion for Midwifery was fading. 

Now I am happy that I know this. I can work on becoming that "perfect" midwife while staying true to who I am as a person. It started a shift towards working for myself and I am glad to say that I got all the motivation that I once had back, and some more on top of that. I can allow myself to work on me, while also reaching all the academic deadlines. Let's just say: I am grateful.

"This above all, to thine own self be true.'' - W. Shakespeare