Dealing with Rejection
As a Midwifery Student you're going to deal with rejection a lot during your placements. Sometimes it is just someone who doesn't want you to attend their birth but sometimes it is a woman that feels the need to tell you just how much they dislike students. Here are a few of my experiences and a few tips on how to deal with rejection.
The most common thing you're going to hear is that a woman doesn't want you there during the birth. If you're talking with a woman and she doesn't want you to attend her birth, you can Always ask why. Now you do have to be careful with asking because there's a right way to do it but also a very, very wrong way. You shouldn't give her the feeling she has to explain herself because she literally doesn't owe you anything. You might be disappointed but remember that it's her right to choose. Remember to be polite and you'll usually get a very positive answer. This way you can be assured that it doesn't have to do with you as a person and if it does, you can set up a plan to change how you are as a student. You have nothing to lose as long as you're polite.
Another thing you are going to certainly have to deal with is being criticised, because let's face it, no one is absolutely perfect. Personally, I am fine when I get criticised on how I do things but I do have a hard time when someone has criticism on me as a person. I know it's all normal but it can keep floating around in my head if I don't do anything about it, making me very inconfident. What I usually do is to keep telling myself that these are the moments I learn the most. You can't learn if you do everything right, you can only learn by making mistakes. If I see accepting criticism as just another point I have to focus on, the actual criticised point is forgotten.
The experience that had the most impact on my confidence was during the first week of my very first placement ever. The first few days you're not confident about yourself at all; everything's new and you have no clue how to present yourself or even where you should stand and how you should stand. Everything feels uncomfortable and weird, trust me. On this particular day I was attending the usual consultations with a senior midwife when a woman came in. She didn't look at me at all and directly started a speech about how much she literally hated students (not my words), which she concluded with: "It has nothing to do with you personally". I Always think that people use that sentence when they're aware that what they have just said was offensive to the other person. It is a way for someone to feel better about the hateful words they've just said, somewhat like an apology. Needless to say, it didn't come across like she meant that at all. I felt extremely uncomfortable and luckily the midwife quickly started another topic, but it didn't feel good for the entire day. The best thing you can do if something like this happens is to treat yourself. Take a nice hot shower with your favourite showergel or watch that series you have been postponing, anything. What also really helps me is to keep a diary during placement. This way I can write down my feelings on anything that has happened during the day, the positive things but also the negative things. I think it's important to deal with your feelings asap because in Midwifery you never know when you'll be called for another delivery and you want to be able to focus on your task at hand.
Even though these tips might be the really Obvious ones, I hope you can do something with them. Sometimes it is nice to be reminded so they aren't forgotten about, right?
x - M
The most common thing you're going to hear is that a woman doesn't want you there during the birth. If you're talking with a woman and she doesn't want you to attend her birth, you can Always ask why. Now you do have to be careful with asking because there's a right way to do it but also a very, very wrong way. You shouldn't give her the feeling she has to explain herself because she literally doesn't owe you anything. You might be disappointed but remember that it's her right to choose. Remember to be polite and you'll usually get a very positive answer. This way you can be assured that it doesn't have to do with you as a person and if it does, you can set up a plan to change how you are as a student. You have nothing to lose as long as you're polite.
Another thing you are going to certainly have to deal with is being criticised, because let's face it, no one is absolutely perfect. Personally, I am fine when I get criticised on how I do things but I do have a hard time when someone has criticism on me as a person. I know it's all normal but it can keep floating around in my head if I don't do anything about it, making me very inconfident. What I usually do is to keep telling myself that these are the moments I learn the most. You can't learn if you do everything right, you can only learn by making mistakes. If I see accepting criticism as just another point I have to focus on, the actual criticised point is forgotten.
The experience that had the most impact on my confidence was during the first week of my very first placement ever. The first few days you're not confident about yourself at all; everything's new and you have no clue how to present yourself or even where you should stand and how you should stand. Everything feels uncomfortable and weird, trust me. On this particular day I was attending the usual consultations with a senior midwife when a woman came in. She didn't look at me at all and directly started a speech about how much she literally hated students (not my words), which she concluded with: "It has nothing to do with you personally". I Always think that people use that sentence when they're aware that what they have just said was offensive to the other person. It is a way for someone to feel better about the hateful words they've just said, somewhat like an apology. Needless to say, it didn't come across like she meant that at all. I felt extremely uncomfortable and luckily the midwife quickly started another topic, but it didn't feel good for the entire day. The best thing you can do if something like this happens is to treat yourself. Take a nice hot shower with your favourite showergel or watch that series you have been postponing, anything. What also really helps me is to keep a diary during placement. This way I can write down my feelings on anything that has happened during the day, the positive things but also the negative things. I think it's important to deal with your feelings asap because in Midwifery you never know when you'll be called for another delivery and you want to be able to focus on your task at hand.
Even though these tips might be the really Obvious ones, I hope you can do something with them. Sometimes it is nice to be reminded so they aren't forgotten about, right?
x - M
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